Who wants to know?

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In May on a flight to Pakistan, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). In November I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In January I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last Tuesday I helped flippingthecoin hide a body (-173 points). Last Monday I bought porn for delilah_girls (10 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-260 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal! Sincerely, run-you-fool

So I still did everything you said, but I also gave change to a homeless guy! ;P

What did you do this year, Greg?

IM conversation between 1eye@freelanthropy.com and missingsparkls@gmail.com

 

1eye: ;)

missingsparkls: HOW DID YOU KNOW MY EMAIL?

1eye: I asked Helen. But that account wasn’t active anymore.

missingsparkls: That doesn’t answer my question

1eye: Hacked your account. I just wanted you to know I knew you changed it.

1eye: ;P

missingsparkls: ...
1eye: ;) ;) ;)
missingsparkls: I’m blocking you.
missingsparkls - STATUS: INVISIBLE

 

Email sent from 1eye@freelanthropy.com to missingsparkls@gmail.com:

 

Sucks how gmail only lets you block people on chat, doesn’t it?
 

(I changed my email, too. After Isa and I broke up.)

Unsent email written by missingsparkls@gmail.com:

I wouldn't know. I didn't block you.

For future references, if I lived anywhere near your state, I would find you and pester you into coming out for ice cream or something dumb and helpful like that.

As it so happens, I'm in Texas. It would be very difficult to get all the way up there without a car or a plane.

So pretty much my only way of helping you is the internet.

That said, would you please talk about whatever the fuck is going on?

Ugh. I've always thought smoking was dumb--sure, everyone is entitled to kill themselves however they want, but why would you choose a way that SMELLS SO BAD? And now I shudder every time I see a cigarette. It's gotten better lately (the shuddering thing. The dumb and smelly will not change.)

I don't know what's going on, but I get the feeling the happy sparkly thing is fake. You want to tell me what Helen's entry was about?

 

( Clearly, no one understood the familial bonds of friendship more than small children. )

[The dial tone rang four times before a voice answered, “yes?”

 

It was a male voice, but Jeff knew, without ever having heard him speak, that it wasn’t Brian. It was younger than he imagined Brian, and there was no softness to it. No caring. But he asked, nevertheless, “Brian?”

 

The boy on the other end drew in breath sharply. “Who is this?” he snapped.

 

Definitely not Brian. “Is your name Taylor, by any chance?”

 

“Yes. Now who the Hell is this?”

 

Jeff briefly considered what answer would make the boy on the other line angriest, but exhaustion and sadness had worn down his imagination. “I want to sleep with Brian’s girlfriend,” he said flatly. “Is she out of the hospital yet?”

 

There was a loud curse, followed by the sound of something hitting something. He listened for a few more seconds before realizing Taylor had thrown the phone. “Could have at least hung up,” he muttered.

 

Though he hadn’t gotten to speak to Natana, he felt slightly better.]

 

( Jeff almost screamed. )

 

( Two minutes later, the door to a small private room in the emergency ward swung open. )

Jack, Judith, Alice, Claire, Finn--

Sorry I couldn't say bye, but just typing this is a waste of time, so. Bye.

SHITSHITSHIT.

They're dead. When I get my hands on them, they're fucking dead.

Hey Cookie,

 

How’re you doing? Have Mommy and Apa started making out on the couch, or did they decide it wasn’t public enough?

 

Toby loves everybody here, especially Finn. You should have seen Lilly and Lissie and Joe and Jack (how do you not have a nickname for Jack?) when they found him. I swear I heard squeals.

 

Judith is a really good singer. Ask Mommy and Apa if they remember the time we were at a restaurant and a woman was singing But for some reason she almost never sings. She rejected Toby's eyes and everything. It's truly disgusting. You should make sad faces until she changes her mind. Or is that below the belt?

Anyway, I hope you're doing well. Internet hugs! And give Apa a real hug for me.

- Uncle

[Locked from Isa and Ally]
Rita,

Hey there. Is Isa ok? I assume he is, given that he has you and Ally, but what kind of pathetic obsessor would I be if I didn't check? Also, are you still not sure what food he likes? Because I can make a list or something. You already have fruit in the fridge all the time, but keep some nuts in the pantry, and offer them to him a few times. He likes walnuts and pistachios best.

Am I doing it again? I probably am. Damn it, I should stop typing.And yes, I'm assuming everything else either you know as well as I do, or better.

You better be nice to him.

- Jeff
[/locked from Isa and Ally]
 

HA.

Rrr…

 

GOD DAMN STUPID AMERICAN IDOL WINNERS AND DUMB TEEN STARS POPPING UP ON THE RADIO SINGING ABOUT EMOTIONS THEY MOST DEFINITELY DON’T UNDERSTAND.

 

 

( GOD. DAMN. THEM. )

Also, “ain’t”? “For real”? Suddenly I’m so happy I finished high school.

 

Ok, I need therapy.

1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.

2. Then make them answer the following questions

 

Rita is a workaholic stress-case who happens to have some compassion to her. Book Three Rita is still a workaholic stress case, but now she’s a Mommy and she doesn’t drink (Book One Rita borders on alcoholic.)

Jeff is an overly talkative cop and a bit of an asshole, albeit an outgoing and cheerful asshole. Book Three Jeff is overly talkative, outgoing, and cheerful, but he’s less of an asshole (still annoying as all fuck) and he now has one working eye.

Isa’s life has been shit. And he’s deathly lonely. That’s really all you need to know. Book Three Isa is just as compassionate and has had just as bad a life, but he has Jeff chattering to him constantly so the loneliness is cured.

Natana is sexy sex, but her body is not equipped for actual sex. She is, however, a great dancer.

Greg is bright and cheerful and loyal as a puppy, and to top it all off he is gloriously batshit.

How Old Are You?

 

Book One Rita: Early thirties

Book Three Rita: Nearly forty

 

Book One Jeff: Twenty-one, got a problem with that?

Book Three Jeff: Twenty-seven

 

Book One Isa: I am not certain…(As of 2008 he's twenty-four, but his age is based on actual events, so in 2009 he'd be twenty-five, in 2010 twenty-six, and so on. If the book ever gets published, it probably won't be until 2010 or even 2011, and that works for me because he's supposed to be closer to Rita's age than Jeff's.)

Book Three Isa: I don’t really know. Thirty? (Author says: thirty-one, but see above disclaimer. And as for why he aged seven years while Jeff aged six, Isa’s twenty-fifth birthday was in the second book.)

 

Natana: Nineteen. Been legal for over a year.

 

Greg: Eighteen

Height

Rita: 5’11”

Jeff: 5’7”, but I WILL RISE

Isa: I’ve never actually measured (5’9”-ish. He’d be six feet if he had been nourished properly.)

Natana: Six feet. *Smile*

Greg: Tall

You got any bad habits?

Rita: No. (She’s overworked. And in book one, she drinks too much coffee and lacks the patience to warm up food.)

Jeff: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why would I have any bad habits? I mean, really. I’m not particularly sarcastic and I certainly don’t talk too much, in fact I consider myself rather quiet, don’t you?

Isa: I’ve never really had the opportunity to develop bad habits perse

Natana: I think about sex all the time. I’m not even kidding. And I break into dance or a run at random intervals, and always feel like touching people, and drape myself over people instead of sitting on chairs. Luckily, those are all very good habits.

Greg: Do I?

You a virgin?

Book One Rita: That’s none of your goddamn business

Book Three Rita: Oh, definitely. Ally came on a stork. (Ally=her daughter. Virgin=fuck no.)

 

Book One Jeff: *Smirk* Are you coming on to me?

Book Three Jeff: *Smirk* Are you coming on to me?

 

Book One Isa: What sort of question is that? I am, but it is hardly any of your concern.

Book Three Isa: No. What sort of question is that?

 

Natana: Only because I can’t have sex. *Grumble*

 

Greg: *Shyly* Uh-huh

Who's your Mate/Spouse?

Book One Rita: Like I have time for that.

Book Three Rita: None at the moment. *Glances at Isa*

 

Book One Jeff: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Book Three Jeff: *Grins big and hugs Isa, who stares at him like he’s nuts*

 

Book One Isa: None

Book Three Isa: Well, at the moment I’m not—Jeff, get off of me

Natana: None right now. Someday. Soon, maybe.

Greg: Just good friends right now.

Have any kids?

 

Book One Rita: *Glare* No

Book Three Rita: Yes. *Fond smile at Ally*

 

Book One Jeff: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Book Three Jeff: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Book One Isa: *Wistful* None of my own.

Book Three Isa: *Looks uncomfortable* Well, yes. She’s a charming girl, but—

Book Three Jeff: He won’t tell her he’s her father because apparently he’s ASHAMED. It’s sickening.

Book Three Isa: I also have Jeff. Surely he counts.

 

Natana: Can’t.

 

Greg: Nope.

Favorite Food?

Book One Rita: Pad thai

Book Two Rita: Dark chocolate

 

Book One Jeff: MEAT

Book Three Jeff: MEAT. Also, that pizza Isa makes without cheese.

Isa: It is not pizza.

Jeff: IT COUNTS

 

Book One Isa: I’m rather fond of dark chocolate, though I can’t really have it. I enjoy most foods.

Book Three Isa: *Longingly names some Kurdish dish, then adds that he enjoys most foods*

 

Natana: Biryani! And kukra no sak! And chicken tacos! And masala macchi!

 

Greg: Chinese food. Especially with chicken.

Favorite Ice Cream flavor?

Book One Rita: Why are you wasting my time with questions about ice cream?

Book Three Rita: My daughter’s favorite flavor is mint chocolate chip. We usually share, since she’s too young for much, even if it’s a kid’s scoop.

 

Jeff: Ugh, ice cream. I’m getting a toothache just thinking about it.

 

Isa: I’ve never had ice cream, actually.

 

Natana: Pistachio kulfi with cardamom.

 

Greg: I like a lot of flavors. Especially if there’s caramel.

Killed anyone?

Book One Rita: *Revolted look* No

Book Three Rita: No, but I’ve tried

 

Book One Jeff: Nope. Surprised, aren’t you?

Book Three Jeff: Unfortunately, I haven’t managed

 

Book One Isa: Never

Book One Jeff: Liar

Book One Isa: It’s true. I wouldn’t…

Book Three Isa: *Pained expression* I didn’t mean to…I didn’t realize…

 

Natana: I wish.

 

Greg: No, but people think I did.

Hate anyone?

Book One Rita: People who ask stupid questions like this. And that cop.

Book Three Rita: Those fucking agents making Isa’s life miserable. As if he doesn’t have enough misery.

 

Book One Jeff: Terrorists. *Glares at Isa*

Book Three Jeff: I’m with Rita on this.

Book One Isa: No

Book Three Isa: No

 

Natana: Homophobes piss me off. And racists. Bigots in general.

 

Greg: *Growl* My dad

Any secrets?

Book One Rita: Fuck off.

Book Three Rita: Most people don’t know who Ally’s dad is.

 

Book One Jeff: *Sweet smile*

Book Three Jeff: Not really. My identity and stuff, but some people know.

 

Book One Isa: Some.

Book Three Isa: Ally does not know I am her father.

Love anyone?

 

Book One Rita: No

Book Three Rita: Of course I love Ally

Book Three Jeff: And Isa

Book Three Rita: Shut up

 

Book One Jeff: MEAT MEAT MEAT

Book Three Jeff: Isa

Book Three Isa: *Rolls eyes*

Book Three Jeff: And Ally. She’s such a little cutie.

 

Book One Isa: Lots of people. My Brothers and Nathanial and Jeff’s dog and a few others.

Book One Jeff: Like your fellow TERRORISTS? Oh, wait, those are your ‘Brothers.’

Book Three Isa: Well, I love Ally, of course. And Jeff and Rita, I suppose. And Toby and Ishmael. And I still love all the people I’ve been separated from, or who have died.

 

Natana: Daddy

 

Greg: My sister and my friends

What is your job?

Book One Rita: Executive of Finance Management

Book Three Rita: I was a journalist. I’m on a leave of absence from the actual journalist job, but I’m owner and manager of the city newspaper, and Chief Editor of the state’s main newspaper.

 

Book One Jeff: Cop

Book Three Jeff: Not a dime or a job to my name

 

Book One Isa: I can’t have a job in this country. I used to build houses, and I’m a healer, but I never did either for money

Book Three Isa: I’ve been a firefighter and I’ve worked at some restaurants. Right now I’m taking care of Nikki.

 

Natana: I get paid for dancing. Not much, but what college student gets paid much?

 

Greg: None

Boy or girl?

Rita: Woman

Jeff: Slime. And boy.

Isa: Man

Natana: Funny story…

Greg: Boy

What do you do to relax?

 

Book One Rita: I don’t need to relax! I do drink sometimes, to help myself sleep, but relaxing is a waste of time

Book Three Rita: *Shrug* I swing sometimes

 

Book One Jeff: Are you kidding? My life is so relaxing. I get to shoot things and eat at a diner

Book Three Jeff: Annoy Rita ^_*

 

Book One Isa: I walk most days. I used to help garden.

Book Three Isa: Play piano or play with Nikki, or listen to Jeff chatter.

 

Natana: Dance. Run. I have other things in mind, most days.

 

Greg: No stress here! *g*

What song do you think would best describe yourself?

Rita: This is the stupidest question in the world

Jeff: I’ve always been partial to Play That Funky Music, White Boy

Isa: I don’t believe I know many songs in your language.

Natana: Sexy sexy sexy

Greg: I’m too crazy to fit songs

Any hidden talents or something no one else knows about you?

Rita: Talent. What bullshit. Either you work hard or you’ve got nothing.

Jeff: I think everyone knows how well I can shoot.

Isa: A few.

Natana: People know. *Wink* Oh, but I can transport people, and me, when I dance. Most people don’t know that part.

Greg: I can talk to spirits. I used to be able to see them.

What color is your hair?

Book One Rita: Dark blonde

Book Three Rita: Dyed black

 

Book One Jeff: Plain ole brown! =D

Book Three Jeff: *Grumble* Dyed blonde *grumble* I MISS MY HAIR, DAMN IT.

Isa: Black

 

Natana: Dark brown. It looks black.

What's your sexual orientation?

Rita: Straight.

Jeff: NO SUCH THING.

Isa: I prefer women…I haven’t had many (Book One: any) relationships, though.

Natana: Just boys for me, or maybe other hermaphrodites, but I’ve never actually met one.

Greg: I like everybody.

Isa blocked an entry from me.

He's never done that before.

He usually tells me everything.

 

( Fuck it. )

 Nicknames:
Kid, Moron, One Eye, BURN IN HELL

What's an Anagram of Your Name?
Isa Boffet J

What's on your playlist?
I have a playlist?.

Three things you couldn't live without: 
1.      Isa (AS A FRIEND, NOT A BOYFRIEND, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, RITA)
2.      Red Meat
3.      Oxygen

Three Websites:

1.      hellseffingyeah.livejournal.com

2.      falindsovsor.livejournal.com

3.      gizoogle.com

Secret Talent
Inexplicably getting people way out of my league.

What's the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
I smiled at Rita. I was unarmed.

Best American City:
Poland

Favorite Ice Cream Topping:
Burger, hold the ice cream.

Describe Yourself in One Word
Jeff

Now in Spanish:
Bastardo

Worst Hairstyle:
Blonde

Favorite Old Movie:
The one with all the dead people. You know what I mean.

Crime of Fashion:
Like I really care

Name of Your Imaginary Band? What Instrument Do You Play?:
"Fuck You Too, Buddy" ... Trumpet

Dirty Little Secret:
I wish I was as pretty as Rita.
[LOCKED FROM ISA AND RITA]That was a lie. In fact, the secret is this: I’m not so utterly stupid that I don’t think I’m standing in the way of Isa and Rita, but while I'm willing to step aside once they're together, I just can't bring myself to be the one to end it with Isa.[/LOCKED FROM ISA AND RITA]

If You Had to Have a Girl's Name, What Would You Choose?
Fred

Here's $10 ... What Do You Buy?
ALL-MEAT BUFFET TIME

Your environmentally conscious invention:
Solar-powered cars.

Your Superhero Name ("The," your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives):
The Blue Corpsmobile

What Celebrity do People Say You Look Like?
One of the muppets.

The last thing that made me laugh out loud:
Writing the answer to the celebrity question.

Quote:
"Of course there’s a way to shut me up; I just don’t know what it is because no one’s done it yet."

 Apparently, Rita did not like the suggestion that she had not worn a miniskirt until she was past thirty (why, I can’t imagine.)

 

Rita: I lived in Thailand for four months. Miniskirts weren't considered mini.

Jeff: What about miniskirts so tight you need zippers up the side because from the back it would highlight—*here Rita was kind enough to hit me over the head with a briefcase.*

Rita: Could you please focus on your boyfriend's ass instead of mine?

Jeff: Isa looks like porn in black jeans. BAGGY black jeans. Besides, he LOVES that little sidezip skirt

*Here Isa has a nosebleed and lies about it*

Isa: I find that skirt extremely inappropriate, actually.

Jeff: Oh, but you know which one I'm talking about!

Natana: Give up, Hon. Your boyfriend's clearly not letting this go.

Isa: I have never lost an argument with Jeff.

Jeff: Well, there was that one time...

Isa: What one time?

Jeff: The time you were moaning too hard to keep arguing

Isa: Your...method...was hardly fair for an argument.

Jeff: Hey, YOU could use it anytime and I'd never complain.

Isa: If a suicidal person offered to let you kill them, would it be all right for them to kill you?

 

Now, obviously this is NOTHING AT ALL related to suicide. Well, putting the conversation up may be.

 7 things I am afraid of:

1. I FEAR NOTHING.

2. NOTHING.

3. WHAT PART OF NOTHING DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND?

4. But I still can’t go into fancy restaurants without losing the ability to breathe.

5. Or even moderately ‘nice’ restaurants.

6. But other than that.

7. NOTHING.

7 things that make me laugh:

 

1. Nikki

2. The way Isa says ‘ish’

3. Annoying Rita

4. Annoying anyone

5. So I’m pretty much in a constant state of laughter

6. I am easily amused

7. *Chuckle*

7 things that make me cry:

1. I almost never cry

2. I mean, onions make my eyes water

3. But that can’t possibly count

4. Seriously, though

5. I didn’t cry when my dad died

6. Or when my best friend died

7. I did, however, cry after Isa described some of the prisons he’s been in

7 things I love:

1. Isa
2. My first name
3. Beef
4. Pork
5. Any other red meat
6. Annoying people
7. My eye. The one that works, obviously.

7 things I don't understand:

1. Quiet.

2. Why European accents are supposed to be sexy. IRAQI ACCENTS ARE SEXY.

3. How Isa has not committed mass-murder yet

4. Cigarettes. THEY SMELL.

5. People who never laugh

6. People who spend $80 on shitty food
7. Everything about Rita. Seriously. Everything.

7 things on my desk:

1. I don’t have a desk

2. I had a desk when I worked as a cop

3. But I never used it

4. Literally never

5. I pile stuff on Rita’s desk to piss her off, though

6. I’d do it more often if I actually had stuff

7. Why am I filling this out when I know I don’t have anything to write?

7 facts about me:

1. I am a complete ass. More often than not, I am proud of it.

2. It has been over ten years since I saw or spoke to anyone related to me.

3. I put my mom in jail for seventeen years, and I could not feel less guilty if I tried.

4. There are approximately three things I’ve ever felt guilty about, actually.

5. My stomach is probably made of iron, but every sweet thing in the world gives me a toothache.

6. I can bench press eighty pounds, but I can’t develop any muscle.

7. I used to have a dog named Monster who was scary and huge and tried to kill everyone except Isa and her pet hamsters. I miss her. ;(

A. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

I’d probably be pretty annoyed with myself for not telling Nikki who her father is. I haven’t told her yet because he’s so nervous about it. Also, I’ve told Isa I love him about 400 times, but I haven’t told him I’m sorry. And I guess the reason I haven’t done that…I don’t know. Because he might say I shouldn’t apologize, which would be the most depressing thing ever.

B. Would you accept $1,000,000 to leave the county and never set foot in it again?

Are you kidding? I’d leave in a heartbeat if I could take Isa with me. (Assuming Rita and Nikki would come.) And surely $1,000,000 is more than enough for the fake passport.

C. You are given the power to kill people simply by thinking of their deaths and twice repeating the word "good-bye." People would die a natural death and no one would suspect you. Are there any situations in which you would use this power? (If you can imagine yourself killing someone indirectly, could you still see yourself doing it if you had to look into the person's eyes and stab the person to death? Have you ever genuinely wanted to kill someone or wished them dead?)

Yes, I’d kill all the fucking agents who want Isa. (Yes, I can, and I enjoy the thought. Yes, I have wanted very badly to kill David.)

D. What would constitute a "perfect" evening for you?

Currently, my typical evening is perfect:

Playing with Nikki and Toby. Annoying Rita. Eating (there are a lot of foods that could fit into a perfect dinner. Right now I could go for some steak) with Isa and Nikki (and probably Rita because, well, she’s probably paying.) Sleeping with Isa, in both senses of the word.

A really perfect evening would be all of that, minus the knowledge that Isa’s probably scared shitless of what might happen tomorrow. Not that I let that ruin my fun.

E. Would you rather be extremely successful professionally and have a tolerable yet unexciting private life, or have an extremely happy private life and only a tolerable and uninspiring professional life? (Since so many people place great emphasis on a happy private life, why do people often wind up putting more energy into their professional lives? If you feel that your private life is more important, do your priorities support this? Are you simply unwilling to admit that work is more important? Do you use work as a substitute? Do you hope professional success will somehow magically lead to personal happiness?)

Definitely private life. I’ve done the successful professional thing. Boring as shit. Right now I am unemployed and mooching off my boyfriend’s ex and everything is absolutely great. (Because people think money is a cure to everything. My top priority is keeping Isa safe. I am fully willing to admit work is less important. Nope. Nope.)

F. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

How do I know? Do you mean I get to pick? Like a superpower or something? Probably teleportation. That way Isa could live a normal life, and if he ever got captured I’d just teleport him out of there.

G. You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the most satisfying love imaginable - the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing that pain that would follow, would you still want to meet that person and fall in love? What if you knew your lover would not die, but instead would betray you? (In love, is intensity or permanence more important? How much do you expect from someone who loves you? What would make you feel betrayed by your mate - indifference? Dishonesty? Infidelity?)

I already have Isa, you know. If I knew he was going to die in six months…yeah, it would hurt like a son of a bitch, but it’s not like I’d leave him. Betray me like how? Cheating on me? That would be pretty silly when I keep telling him how ok it would be if he were with someone else. By some weird reversal of the agents want from me, in which he turned me in for his own safety? Because I can’t picture that. I guess I wouldn’t be with him if I knew that would happen. (Intensity; nothing lasts forever anyway. I don’t think I expect that much…mostly just love, and probably honesty, or at least willingness to tell me if there’s something the person isn’t willing to share instead of making up a cover story. I don’t think I’d feel betrayed over indifference—sad, definitely, but not betrayed. Dishonesty? Yeah, betrayed, probably hurt. I already said my opinions on fidelity.)

H. Do you prefer being around men or women? Do your closest friends tend to be men or women?

No preferences. The two closest friends I’ve ever had were Nicole and Isa, so it seems pretty even.

I. Would you be willing to murder an innocent person if it would end hunger in the world? (Would it torment you more to have the blood of an innocent person on your hands or to know you let millions of people die? What do you think of people who achieve great things by compromising their principles? Many are will to give their own lives but not to take the life of another; is anything so important you would sacrifice your very soul for it?)

Probably. But it depends on who the person was; I couldn’t kill a refugee or a little kid, but a total stranger who had lived a good life I probably could. (I’ve probably got plenty of innocent blood on my hands that I don’t know about. I don’t really think anyone can go without compromising their principles; even Isa did to take down these terrorists, and he’s one of the only principled people I’ve met. I don’t believe in souls, but if I did, yeah, there are things I’d sacrifice it for.)

J. What is you most treasured memory?

Right after I got tortured—long story—and Rita and Isa had found me, I asked Isa if he trusted me now, and he was confused; he didn’t think he had ever not trusted me. Oh my god, I’m a sap.

K. If you knew there would be a nuclear war in one week, what would you do?

You mean there ISN’T going to be a nuclear war in one week?

L. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Is there anything you hope to do that is even better?

Helping Nicole was, in my opinion, a pretty big accomplishment. So was keeping Isa safe, though I’m sure he’s more responsible for it than I am. But I’d say uniting him with his daughter was the best. Yes, I want to make the safety and reunion permanent.

M. One would be the one material item you would save during a fire?

Toby. Poor blind thing probably couldn’t find his way out on his own.

N. You are offered $1,000,000 for the following act: before you are ten pistols - only one of which is loaded. You must pick up one of the pistols, point it at your forehead, and pull the trigger. If you can walk away you do so a millionaire. Would you accept the risk?

Fuck yeah. I’d just do it for the thrill.

O. If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be? (Would you die a hero's death, die a martyr to some great cause, die in a natural catastrophe, or die peacefully? Why is it so tempting to have death catch us in our sleep?)

I used to have all sorts of clever ideas for this, but right now I kind of like the ‘shove-a-kid-out-of-the-way-of-a-speeding-truck’ way, instead of anything fun. (Ugh, just hearing the word hero makes me rethink it. Because we humans are wimps. WIMPS I SAY.)

P. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

I think this is obvious.

Q. How forgiving are you?

Depends. There are people I’m probably never going to meet who I’ll never fucking forgive, but I’m not really a fan of grudges.

R. When you tells a story, do you often exaggerate or embellish it? If so, why?

Have you SEEN my life? No embellishments necessary.

S. How much do you feel in control of the course of your life?

Less in control now than I used to, but I don’t mind.

T. Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it? Will you ask for help?

Sure. Sure.

U. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

NO. IT’S CRAP. I JUST WANT TO BE POOR AND NAMELESS AND WELL-FED, DAMN IT.

V. What are your most compulsive habits? Do you regularly struggle to break those habits?

Ok, I have to agree with Rita and say I’m kind of insatiable on the whole Isa thing; generally I’ll just pounce on him, regardless of what he’s doing or however large the nearest fire is. No, I kind of like the habit.

W. What do you strive for most in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement, knowledge, or something else?

It’s always been excitement.

X. How easily embarrassed are you?

Not at all.

Y. Does the fact that you has never done something before increase or decrease its appeal to you?

Definitely increase.

Z. How many different sexual partners have you had? Would you prefer to have had more or fewer?

Eh, not many. I don’t really care; I’m quite happy with the sexual partner I have at the moment, and given that I’m not stupid enough to not use a condom, the rest doesn’t much matter.