Who wants to know?

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last Sunday I bought porn for talkaboutclass (-10 points). Last Thursday I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In January I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). Last Monday I helped perber hide a body (-173 points). In May I gave hellseffingyeah a life-saving blood transfusion (50 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-208 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal! Sincerely, run-you-fool

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Let me guess, Isa was the life-saving blood tranfusion, Jeff was the shoot-out, and the body-hider, and the porn-buyer. And I don't know who ate their Brussels Sprouts.

So, basically, we can all blame Jeff for the lousy Christmas present.

So, what's been going on? Any updates? New friends? Jeff and Isa back together yet?

[The dial tone rang four times before a voice answered, “yes?”

 

It was a male voice, but Jeff knew, without ever having heard him speak, that it wasn’t Brian. It was younger than he imagined Brian, and there was no softness to it. No caring. But he asked, nevertheless, “Brian?”

 

The boy on the other end drew in breath sharply. “Who is this?” he snapped.

 

Definitely not Brian. “Is your name Taylor, by any chance?”

 

“Yes. Now who the Hell is this?”

 

Jeff briefly considered what answer would make the boy on the other line angriest, but exhaustion and sadness had worn down his imagination. “I want to sleep with Brian’s girlfriend,” he said flatly. “Is she out of the hospital yet?”

 

There was a loud curse, followed by the sound of something hitting something. He listened for a few more seconds before realizing Taylor had thrown the phone. “Could have at least hung up,” he muttered.

 

Though he hadn’t gotten to speak to Natana, he felt slightly better.]

 

( Two minutes later, the door to a small private room in the emergency ward swung open. )

Oh my God oh my God oh my God.

Please let Natana be ok.

You're not mad at me for kind of starting the conversation that caused the shit to hit the fan, are you?

Just curious.

1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.

2. Then make them answer the following questions

 

Rita is a workaholic stress-case who happens to have some compassion to her. Book Three Rita is still a workaholic stress case, but now she’s a Mommy and she doesn’t drink (Book One Rita borders on alcoholic.)

Jeff is an overly talkative cop and a bit of an asshole, albeit an outgoing and cheerful asshole. Book Three Jeff is overly talkative, outgoing, and cheerful, but he’s less of an asshole (still annoying as all fuck) and he now has one working eye.

Isa’s life has been shit. And he’s deathly lonely. That’s really all you need to know. Book Three Isa is just as compassionate and has had just as bad a life, but he has Jeff chattering to him constantly so the loneliness is cured.

Natana is sexy sex, but her body is not equipped for actual sex. She is, however, a great dancer.

Greg is bright and cheerful and loyal as a puppy, and to top it all off he is gloriously batshit.

How Old Are You?

 

Book One Rita: Early thirties

Book Three Rita: Nearly forty

 

Book One Jeff: Twenty-one, got a problem with that?

Book Three Jeff: Twenty-seven

 

Book One Isa: I am not certain…(As of 2008 he's twenty-four, but his age is based on actual events, so in 2009 he'd be twenty-five, in 2010 twenty-six, and so on. If the book ever gets published, it probably won't be until 2010 or even 2011, and that works for me because he's supposed to be closer to Rita's age than Jeff's.)

Book Three Isa: I don’t really know. Thirty? (Author says: thirty-one, but see above disclaimer. And as for why he aged seven years while Jeff aged six, Isa’s twenty-fifth birthday was in the second book.)

 

Natana: Nineteen. Been legal for over a year.

 

Greg: Eighteen

Height

Rita: 5’11”

Jeff: 5’7”, but I WILL RISE

Isa: I’ve never actually measured (5’9”-ish. He’d be six feet if he had been nourished properly.)

Natana: Six feet. *Smile*

Greg: Tall

You got any bad habits?

Rita: No. (She’s overworked. And in book one, she drinks too much coffee and lacks the patience to warm up food.)

Jeff: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why would I have any bad habits? I mean, really. I’m not particularly sarcastic and I certainly don’t talk too much, in fact I consider myself rather quiet, don’t you?

Isa: I’ve never really had the opportunity to develop bad habits perse

Natana: I think about sex all the time. I’m not even kidding. And I break into dance or a run at random intervals, and always feel like touching people, and drape myself over people instead of sitting on chairs. Luckily, those are all very good habits.

Greg: Do I?

You a virgin?

Book One Rita: That’s none of your goddamn business

Book Three Rita: Oh, definitely. Ally came on a stork. (Ally=her daughter. Virgin=fuck no.)

 

Book One Jeff: *Smirk* Are you coming on to me?

Book Three Jeff: *Smirk* Are you coming on to me?

 

Book One Isa: What sort of question is that? I am, but it is hardly any of your concern.

Book Three Isa: No. What sort of question is that?

 

Natana: Only because I can’t have sex. *Grumble*

 

Greg: *Shyly* Uh-huh

Who's your Mate/Spouse?

Book One Rita: Like I have time for that.

Book Three Rita: None at the moment. *Glances at Isa*

 

Book One Jeff: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Book Three Jeff: *Grins big and hugs Isa, who stares at him like he’s nuts*

 

Book One Isa: None

Book Three Isa: Well, at the moment I’m not—Jeff, get off of me

Natana: None right now. Someday. Soon, maybe.

Greg: Just good friends right now.

Have any kids?

 

Book One Rita: *Glare* No

Book Three Rita: Yes. *Fond smile at Ally*

 

Book One Jeff: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Book Three Jeff: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Book One Isa: *Wistful* None of my own.

Book Three Isa: *Looks uncomfortable* Well, yes. She’s a charming girl, but—

Book Three Jeff: He won’t tell her he’s her father because apparently he’s ASHAMED. It’s sickening.

Book Three Isa: I also have Jeff. Surely he counts.

 

Natana: Can’t.

 

Greg: Nope.

Favorite Food?

Book One Rita: Pad thai

Book Two Rita: Dark chocolate

 

Book One Jeff: MEAT

Book Three Jeff: MEAT. Also, that pizza Isa makes without cheese.

Isa: It is not pizza.

Jeff: IT COUNTS

 

Book One Isa: I’m rather fond of dark chocolate, though I can’t really have it. I enjoy most foods.

Book Three Isa: *Longingly names some Kurdish dish, then adds that he enjoys most foods*

 

Natana: Biryani! And kukra no sak! And chicken tacos! And masala macchi!

 

Greg: Chinese food. Especially with chicken.

Favorite Ice Cream flavor?

Book One Rita: Why are you wasting my time with questions about ice cream?

Book Three Rita: My daughter’s favorite flavor is mint chocolate chip. We usually share, since she’s too young for much, even if it’s a kid’s scoop.

 

Jeff: Ugh, ice cream. I’m getting a toothache just thinking about it.

 

Isa: I’ve never had ice cream, actually.

 

Natana: Pistachio kulfi with cardamom.

 

Greg: I like a lot of flavors. Especially if there’s caramel.

Killed anyone?

Book One Rita: *Revolted look* No

Book Three Rita: No, but I’ve tried

 

Book One Jeff: Nope. Surprised, aren’t you?

Book Three Jeff: Unfortunately, I haven’t managed

 

Book One Isa: Never

Book One Jeff: Liar

Book One Isa: It’s true. I wouldn’t…

Book Three Isa: *Pained expression* I didn’t mean to…I didn’t realize…

 

Natana: I wish.

 

Greg: No, but people think I did.

Hate anyone?

Book One Rita: People who ask stupid questions like this. And that cop.

Book Three Rita: Those fucking agents making Isa’s life miserable. As if he doesn’t have enough misery.

 

Book One Jeff: Terrorists. *Glares at Isa*

Book Three Jeff: I’m with Rita on this.

Book One Isa: No

Book Three Isa: No

 

Natana: Homophobes piss me off. And racists. Bigots in general.

 

Greg: *Growl* My dad

Any secrets?

Book One Rita: Fuck off.

Book Three Rita: Most people don’t know who Ally’s dad is.

 

Book One Jeff: *Sweet smile*

Book Three Jeff: Not really. My identity and stuff, but some people know.

 

Book One Isa: Some.

Book Three Isa: Ally does not know I am her father.

Love anyone?

 

Book One Rita: No

Book Three Rita: Of course I love Ally

Book Three Jeff: And Isa

Book Three Rita: Shut up

 

Book One Jeff: MEAT MEAT MEAT

Book Three Jeff: Isa

Book Three Isa: *Rolls eyes*

Book Three Jeff: And Ally. She’s such a little cutie.

 

Book One Isa: Lots of people. My Brothers and Nathanial and Jeff’s dog and a few others.

Book One Jeff: Like your fellow TERRORISTS? Oh, wait, those are your ‘Brothers.’

Book Three Isa: Well, I love Ally, of course. And Jeff and Rita, I suppose. And Toby and Ishmael. And I still love all the people I’ve been separated from, or who have died.

 

Natana: Daddy

 

Greg: My sister and my friends

What is your job?

Book One Rita: Executive of Finance Management

Book Three Rita: I was a journalist. I’m on a leave of absence from the actual journalist job, but I’m owner and manager of the city newspaper, and Chief Editor of the state’s main newspaper.

 

Book One Jeff: Cop

Book Three Jeff: Not a dime or a job to my name

 

Book One Isa: I can’t have a job in this country. I used to build houses, and I’m a healer, but I never did either for money

Book Three Isa: I’ve been a firefighter and I’ve worked at some restaurants. Right now I’m taking care of Nikki.

 

Natana: I get paid for dancing. Not much, but what college student gets paid much?

 

Greg: None

Boy or girl?

Rita: Woman

Jeff: Slime. And boy.

Isa: Man

Natana: Funny story…

Greg: Boy

What do you do to relax?

 

Book One Rita: I don’t need to relax! I do drink sometimes, to help myself sleep, but relaxing is a waste of time

Book Three Rita: *Shrug* I swing sometimes

 

Book One Jeff: Are you kidding? My life is so relaxing. I get to shoot things and eat at a diner

Book Three Jeff: Annoy Rita ^_*

 

Book One Isa: I walk most days. I used to help garden.

Book Three Isa: Play piano or play with Nikki, or listen to Jeff chatter.

 

Natana: Dance. Run. I have other things in mind, most days.

 

Greg: No stress here! *g*

What song do you think would best describe yourself?

Rita: This is the stupidest question in the world

Jeff: I’ve always been partial to Play That Funky Music, White Boy

Isa: I don’t believe I know many songs in your language.

Natana: Sexy sexy sexy

Greg: I’m too crazy to fit songs

Any hidden talents or something no one else knows about you?

Rita: Talent. What bullshit. Either you work hard or you’ve got nothing.

Jeff: I think everyone knows how well I can shoot.

Isa: A few.

Natana: People know. *Wink* Oh, but I can transport people, and me, when I dance. Most people don’t know that part.

Greg: I can talk to spirits. I used to be able to see them.

What color is your hair?

Book One Rita: Dark blonde

Book Three Rita: Dyed black

 

Book One Jeff: Plain ole brown! =D

Book Three Jeff: *Grumble* Dyed blonde *grumble* I MISS MY HAIR, DAMN IT.

Isa: Black

 

Natana: Dark brown. It looks black.

What's your sexual orientation?

Rita: Straight.

Jeff: NO SUCH THING.

Isa: I prefer women…I haven’t had many (Book One: any) relationships, though.

Natana: Just boys for me, or maybe other hermaphrodites, but I’ve never actually met one.

Greg: I like everybody.

Well, since Jeff isn't here to flood the journal and make everybody do memes, I figured it was up to me.

 

1. Are you male or female?
Song Title: Mein kolapur se aaye hoon
Lyrics: Koi maane na, koi jaane na
Translation: Some don't know, some don't believe

2. Describe yourself
Song Title: Sexy Sexy Sexy
Lyrics: Sexy sexy sexy

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
Song Title: Ye Ladka Hai Deewana

Lyrics: Kabhi ye humse ladti hai

           Kabhi akadti hai

           Karo door se chedkhani

Translation: Sometimes she fights with me

                  Sometimes she annoys me

                  Tease her, but only from a distance

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
I've never had a real relationship in the be-exclusive-and-have-drunken-sex regard.

5. Describe your current relationship
Song Title: Koi mil gaya
Lyrics: Mujkho kya hua hai

           Kyun main ko gaya hoon

           Paagal tha main pehli

          Ya ab ho gaya hoon

Translation: What's come over me?

                   Why do I feel so lost?

                   Either I was crazy in the first place

                   Or I've just become so

6. Where would you want to be now?

Song Title: Chale Jaise Hawaien

Lyrics: Parinde gagan gagan

Translation: Soaring through the sky

7. How do you feel about love?

Song Title: Chalak Chalak

Lyrics: Shiishe se shiisha takaraa'e

Translation: Watch the glass collide with glass!

8. What's your life like?

Song Title: Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai

Lyrics: Chunari pe neeche

Translation: Beneath the veil

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Song Title: Aaja Nachle

Lyrics: Aaja nachle nachle, mere yaar, tu nachle

Translation: Come dance, dance, my friend, you dance

10. Say something wise
Song Title: Thoda sa Pagla

Lyrics: Seyana

Translation: Wise

So what does it mean when the nicest guy you've ever met, who actually enjoys talking about history and stuff (and who fits your tastes for physical attractiveness) and who's listened to your most revolting secrets without judging you, has kissed you, and you're still stuck on the homophobic asshole he considers a friend?

I have a couple school friends who don’t actually own a LiveJournal but who fell out of their seats at the thought of me sharing information about my stories (the thing with me is

a – I am self-conscious. This should speak for itself.

b – If I do open up enough to discuss my precious stories, I fear I shall never shut up.)

 

The natural result of this would be lurkers. The result of that was a random, “so which of your…babies…are the pretty, pretty ones?” (I have only a few friends who know why I call them my babies. Mostly the ones who know the girl I copied the idea from.)

 

So I’m going to describe appearances. Anyone got a problem with that? Don't give a crap? Splendid.

 

Rita
A tall, curvy woman in her late thirties with strong legs and naturally tan skin that’s paler than it should be because she rarely goes outside. Her eyes are a fairly average shade of blue, or a shade darker than average, but they seem a very hot striking blue because her gaze is so sharp. Her thick hair is naturally straight and dirty blonde, but currently the One Last Star kids are in disguise, so she has cut it to a little longer than her shoulders, dyed it black, and styled it into waves. She can usually be seen in a skirt suit longer than her knees, sweatpants and a t-shirt if she's working out, and a cable-knit turtleneck and once-more-longer-than-knee-length skirt for casual wear. For her disguise, she wears much shorter skirts, black tights, and boots buckled or laced up at the sides. She also tends to wear dark green and dark purple for disguise, while in her usual clothes she'd wear neutrals or grays (or, for gym, plain white t and black sweatpants.)

Pictures to reference: this actress with slightly larger breasts and darker eyes. And, you know, a pissier expression.
Consensus on looks: Hot

Jeff
Jeff has always been a scrawny kid, and now, at twenty-seven, he's still pretty thin. But he never comes of as underfed, just young. His hair, a standard brown, tends to flop in his eyes; for disguise he cut it short and dyed it blonde, and he terribly misses his regular hair. Said eyes are the most noticeable thing about his appearance. They are light and extremely brilliant green, the sort of green that floats in front of your vision after you see very bright light. At least, one of them is. The other one used to be. Now the iris is clouded, the whites red, and it's all thanks to four very painful-looking black holes.
Pictures to reference: Well, his icon should give you an idea of what his hair used to look like, and his general attitude, though it doesn't look like him per se.
Conensus on looks: Nothing special, but not unnattractive

Isa
His Middle Eastern heritage is quite obvious, given his brown and strangely flawless skin, solemn shining black eyes with strong but unremarkable brows, and black hair. A lean, very defined face makes his lips (which are quite nice) and nose (which is really just a nose) look larger than they should. He is tall, broad-shouldered, and could be quite muscular if he had a steady supply of food. If he can help it, he never wears bright colors (especially not orange), blue, or stripes, so you'll usually see him in dark colors or light gray. His clothes are very casual, jeans (usually black, because of the avoidance of blue thing) and sweaters being standard fare. He rarely raises his voice, which is husky and occasionally hoarse, with a thick accent that belies his near-perfect grammar.
Pictures to reference: I have no pictures of people who look like him, but this is his skin tone. It's unusually dark for someone from the Middle East.
Consensus on looks: Handsome in a somewhat hunted sort of way. He looks like he used to be, or could have been, more attractive than he is.

Nikki
As per the laws of nature, she's a cutie, with dark blue eyes and straight black hair that she usually wears in a headband. Her face will probably be narrow and attractive when she grows, just given her parents' appearances. She wears solid colors, preferably bright, and she doesn't like full-piece things: give her a skirt and shirt over a dress, and shorts and shirt over overalls. Since she recently learned to tie her shoelaces, she's always in sneakers so she can show off. While generally a tomboy in dress, she likes lacy strips at the top of her socks.
Pictures to reference: This cutie with a slightly less round face, no makeup, and a narrow Caucasian nose. (Note: Nikki is not Indian; she's half-white half-Kurdish.)
Consensus on looks: An oatmeal raisin cookie

Natana
The key word here is long--long lean limbs, long toned torso, long narrow nose, long thick black eyelashes, long thick black hair. Her eyebrows are straight, thick, and low, making it look as if she never quite believes what she's seeing/hearing. Though she doesn't have a unibrow, she doesn't pluck or thread, nor does she shave any part of her body except when a dance calls for it. A half-Indian, she has dark brown eyes but her skin is more tawny than brown. Her chest, while not quite flat, rarely necessitates more than a camisole. It looks more endowed than it is because she has a broad rib cage and no trace of fat on her stomach. This stomach comes into full view when she dances in skimpy lehenga cholis (cholis are tight Indian tops that can get very short), but otherwise she goes with loose men's clothes. She is sexy in an earthy way, exemplified by her throaty melodic voice.
Consensus on looks: Natana is not remotely pretty, but she's so sexual no one really knows that.

Brian
Brian is large; not fat but tall and broad. His size and square jaw make him look intimidating, but only from a distance. Generally, after talking to him for a few minutes, you forget the fact that he could probably lift you over his head with one hand. He has soft hazel eyes, skin slightly tanned from his love of the outdoors, and light brown hair that just misses being curly. Because he tends to buy from fair-trade stores or from groups fundraising for some great cause or another, most of his t-shirts advertise some charity or another.
Consensus on looks: Plain, but possessed of an awkward charm

Greg
A beanpole with pale green eyes, Greg has delicate and rather feminine features. However, he never comes across as delicate, because he radiates energy. This energy disguises the hollows under his cheeks, the paleness of his skin, the fact that his socks don't fit. He has a pale green jacket the color of his eyes which he loves, though it is very loose on him and doesn't reach his wrists. Also, his teeth are perfect.
Consensus on looks: Really quite beautiful

Helen
Two years his senior, Helen has her brother's clear skin, long neck, and straight slim nose. Their eyes are the same pale green, but on her it looks faded. She is much more fragile in appearance than her brother, just as thin if not quite as pale. Furthermore, she tries to hide her beauty with baggy layers and makeup under her eyes that accentuates the shadows. Sans makeup, those shadows are light blue rather than grey. Her hair is naturally thin, straight, silky, and a bit limp (as is Greg's) but she has dyed and curled and straightened it so many times that it is strawlike and dead. One beauty she hasn't disguised are her hands, which are skilled and look destined to play piano.
Consensus on looks: A china doll, lovely but lifeless

Shen
A slim but not skinny South Korean with a broken arm and sleek black hair. His features are narrow but not delicate, and nothing about him particularly sticks out. He has excellent speaking skills and a carefully modulated voice, but when he's trying to repress an emotion his accent comes out, and he has to speak slowly to restrain it.
Consensus on looks: The sort of person who could be viewed as very good-looking by someone with a crush on him, but otherwise looks ordinary

In case there was any confusion, all of them are white except Isa (Kurdish), Nikki (half-Kurdish, half-white), Natana (half-Indian, half-white), and Shen (South Korean.) Only Isa and Shen have accents, though Shen's isn't usually noticeable.

Questions? Comments? Criticism for wasting your time?

THIS IS BLATANTLY GEARED TOWARDS STRAIGHT WOMEN (or maybe gay men, but STEREOTYPICALLY FEMININE GAY MEN) AND THAT IS NOT REMOTELY FAIR.

 

1. The guy you would take to meet your parents: Brian. He and my dad could discuss old historical/mythical/philosophical stuff. Maybe Dad will teach him Hindi or Kacchi.

2. The one girl you would do: Ok, in real life, my friend Eisha would be my top choice. Of the crazies, I kind of want to sleep with Rita.

3. The guy you'd have sex with in your parents’ bed: I’d say Taylor, but I am SO FUCKING MAD AT THAT ASS RIGHT NOW. Maybe Greg would want sex in my parents’ bed.

4. The girl you'd take to the mall: Lilly. I just want to buy her things.

5. Your male BFF: Obviously Brian!

6. Your female BFF: Alice. She’s great.

7. Your gay BFF: Anyone here gay?

8. The guy who'd take you to prom: I bet Brian would have. But I kind of agree with Jeff that going with Jack and blowing stuff up would be great.

9. Your big brother: I want Isa to be my brother.

10. The guy you'd marry: What are you, one of my aunts? I’m not in a marriage mood thanks.

11. The two guys you'd have a threesome with: Jeff and Isa, unless Isa’s uncomfortable with it. Jack and Greg would be fun, but they’re not really my taste.

12. The girl and guy you'd have a threesome with: Finn and Judith. They are fucking sexy. Plus they’d totally be up for it (wouldn’t you two be up for it?) And they already like each other, which is kind of important in these situations.

13. The guy you'd go clubbing with: Greg.

14. The guy you'd have angry hot sex with: I really want to meet and screw this David guy.

15. The girl you'd call after a break-up: Probably Ija. She seems pretty understanding.

16. The guy you'd have sex with when no one else is around: Calhoun. He radiates sex. I cannot be the only one who thinks so.

17. The guy you'd have sex with when you're cheating on your hubby/boyfriend: Jeff, if he wasn’t with Isa at the time.

18. The guy you'd tell all your secrets: Obviously Brian.

19. The person you'd commit a murder with: Claire. You can just tell she’s great at murder.

20. The boy you'd go to the gym with: Jack. I can just see him goofing off and fooling with the machines.

21. Your shoulder to cry on: I don’t really know. I’ve never cried on anyone’s shoulder. Ija and Lacey are really great, but I don’t know them well enough to cry on their shoulders. I wouldn’t cry on Brian’s because he’d be all sad.

22. The guy you'd ask to beat up your cheating boyfriend: Oh, pffft, like I can’t beat anyone up on my own.

23. The guy you'd always come back to: My dad. What? You think I’m going to get tied down by a crush?

24. The guy you'd die for: I wouldn’t really die for anyone my age, only my dad or a little kid.

25. The guy who'd get you pregnant: I can’t get pregnant. But we’ve been ignoring my physical capabilities anyway. So maybe Isa. He seems like a really good dad.

Natana and my friend Terrence Lear are having an argument. I  don't want to say what it was about out of respect for them, but it's been a couple weeks and neither will speak to one another.

I understand why Natana is upset, but Terrence is my friend as well. He didn't mean to upset her. He even tried to apologize. Now, unfortunately, he's angry as well. :(

Neither of them will listen to me. They're both such wonderful people. I wish they would stop fighting.